I wanted to start this blog for only technical discussions and posts. Irony is, I don’t yet truly understand what differentiates technical things from non-technical things because eventually, everything is just a train of thought and I certainly don’t want the internet or any book to convince myself that there is some difference between technical and non-technical things. I know what kind of harm and boredom 100% certainty (or even a sense of 100% certainty) brings. But I hope that this blog will have enough structure to not let me feel helpless or lost or lose its very meaning (one among them being the fact that this blog was made with an intention to reflect upon (and improve) my computational skills (thinking)).

I’m soon going to (or hope to) start a new journey. Last few months have made me very impatient with things, letting my mind wander everywhere with some adventurous form of fear. I have lost a fear, a fear which paralyzed me few months back. I no longer fear failure. It took many restless nights to overcome it and embrace it, to love this fear and let it sit inside me for a while–in some safe space. I embrace the fact that I’m free, free in every sense, like I was since beginning, that I am not bound by any rules that can influence me to think in certain direction. It was wonderful when I realised this thing out of nowhere. I can create my own world, I can immerse myself in infinite beautiful networks.

But there is a cost of each and every form of freedom. I wake up everyday in the middle of night and find that sometimes I miss a lot of things. I miss seeing mountains, the skies without brown patches, those silent roads during night walks in undergrad years, I miss embracing those silent and fresh streams of water while being full of so many confusions. Out of nowhere I realise that even if I’m free to visit those places, I will never get to live that time again. But then these realisations bring me back to my present, asking me to not miss my present and embrace everything. Every small and big thing and then I become silent in every sense. I gain composure, My mind settles.

All of this brings me the realisation that how beautiful loop life is. Long for something complex and neglect all the simplicity, realise how these complexities miss something, leading me to recall only the simplicities and then bringing me to an optimum set of parameters which is complex but full of all kinds of simplicities. Eventually, I get to an equilibrium state: a composed form of equilibrium, which no longer differentiates between any complexity and simplicity. It just exists, it just accepts things, just sees things as they are. This loop continues.

Well now I’m going to intensify my search for a good book on Optimization theory a bit more.

Ending it with a sweet little Calvin musing.

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